


Desperation

by cadkitten



Series: Desperation [1]
Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Anal Sex, Cumshot, Exhibitionism, Explicit Language, Hand Jobs, M/M, Masturbation, Voyeurism, Watersports
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-07
Updated: 2008-12-07
Packaged: 2017-11-22 15:09:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/611176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaoru's always been kind of... odd. I don't know, it's in the subtle things he does - the way he carries himself, the way he switches so rapidly from band-leader to my best friend in the whole wide world... even the way he somehow turns everything sexual for me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Desperation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wildxisxturning](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=wildxisxturning).



> If you don't know what WaterSports is, then don't read this.  
> Die POV  
> Beta Readers: ladydeathfaerie, elyachan  
> Song[s]: " John The Revelator" by Depeche Mode

Kaoru's always been kind of... odd. I don't know, it's in the subtle things he does - the way he carries himself, the way he switches so rapidly from band-leader to my best friend in the whole wide world... even the way he somehow turns everything sexual for me. It sounds odd, coming from me - the self-proclaimed straight-guy of the band, I know....

A soft groan jerks me from my reverie and I turn my head a bit to observe what would cause such a noise to come from Kaoru's mouth. He squirms around a bit in his seat and then whimpers. What the fuck? It seriously sounds like he's all turned on by something over there. But all I can see on his computer screen is my last track and the main stream for the song.

I shrug it off, figuring I'm imagining things or he's just being a weirdo again. Wouldn't be the first time and definitely won't be the last. I go back to staring at my own laptop screen, moving the volume around on a specific part and playing it back again. The stupid waveform just doesn't look right to me. There's background noise or something stuck in there and it's pissing me off.

The minutes tick by and I puff my cheeks out in frustration. Why is this being so stubborn? No matter how I run it, I can't find the source of the noise in the fucking waveform! Part of me wants to throw the laptop across the room. The other part of me tells me that's not the best fucking idea in the world.

With a final glare, I pull my headphones off my ears again and toss them down. Almost out of reflex, I look over at Kaoru, just a slight turn of my head to glance at him. He's got his left hand in his lap clutching at his crotch and the right is clicking away at his mouse. The look on his face is slightly pained and the instant he shifts a little, it clicks in my mind. He has to take a piss and he's refusing to give up on working to do it.

I sigh and shake my head, picking up a random piece of paper and crumpling it before tossing it at his head. "Hey, Kao."

He gasps and then winces before turning to glare at me. "What the fuck, Die?" He doesn't actually look mad, just a bit annoyed.

I shrug and gesture at his hand. "Dude... you should really just get up and go take a piss rather than sitting there holding it in." I pause, thinking for a moment. "Actually, I've heard it's really bad for you to hold it."

He glares more at me, if that's even possible at this point. But then he's on his feet, pausing and drawing in a shaky breath as he turns away from me, releasing his crotch from his grasp. I can almost see the look on his face, even though he's facing away from me - this pained expression of 'oh shit'.

When he finally does start walking off, I can tell he's having a hard time not pissing himself. For a moment, I consider offering him my empty coffee cup. But then if he's been holding it for a long time, it'll be too small to hold it all. Instead, I decide to be the nice guy and I get up, rushing past him to push the door to the studio open and hold it for him.

The way he looks at me like I'm crazy makes me laugh and grin at him. "What? I'm just being nice!"

That glare again... so perfectly in place with those pouty lips of his. My mind just keeps right on going, light speed ahead of my poor ability to understand just how it is that I'm viewing him. He passes me and I let the door fall shut, deciding to just go to the bathroom while he does. After all, all these thoughts about him having to pee have made me have to.

He pushes the door to the men's room open and hastily retreats to a urinal, unzipping his pants and pulling out his cock. It isn't a second after I hear the zipper of his pants being pulled down that I hear him start to piss. Damn... close call there, I guess. He really shouldn't wait like that!

I move to the urinal next to him and unzip, taking my time in getting my cock out and setting about emptying my bladder. I'm in no rush... I've been four times today already. My eyes wander over to him, taking in the way he's resting his forearm on the wall above the urinal, his forehead resting on his wrist. The cuff of his shirt is unbuttoned, revealing his small, tattooed wrist.

My eyes drift across his face, the half-lidded look and the way he no longer looks like he's in pain. I can still hear him pissing, even over the sound of my own bladder emptying. I can't help but peek, wondering how the hell he's still going strong like that. His stream is thick, spraying from his cock to hit the side of the urinal and splash down. I get stuck staring at him, his small hand holding his cock, fingers slightly working at the head of his shaft. He's fondling himself while pissing!

I look away, my cheeks heating up just the smallest amount as I shake off and tuck myself away. Just as my hand reaches for the handle to flush the urinal, I hear him groan in a very pleased way. I flush and then chuckle to myself, unable to stop the comment from passing through my lips. "Was it really that good, Kao?"

He grunts, obviously shaking himself off and then putting his dick away. I move to wash my hands and he flushes and then comes to my side, doing the same. "I really had to go."

I shake my head. "Then you shouldn't wait so long!" But then, if he hadn't, I wouldn't have the image of him fondling himself while he pisses in my head. I bite my lip and quickly turn away from him, determined to forget this ever happened and get back to work.

The rest of the day is pretty normal... as far as 'normal' goes with the lot of us.

I can't sleep when I get home... all I see when I close my eyes is Kao pissing with that damned look on his face. And for some fucking reason... it's turning me on.

~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~

Weeks pass and I forget about the incident. It fades into the past just like everything else does and we return to some semblance of normalcy. We're almost done with the album. It makes me a bit sad that we are, yet I'm relieved. From here, it's tours and interviews. Maybe I can actually get some sleep... and eat.

Inoue enters the room Kaoru, Toshiya, and I are working in and stops in front of Kao. "You're going to be late."

Kaoru looks up from the song he's re-mastering and blinks a bit stupidly. "Huh?"

Our manager looks impatient as he switches feet he's leaning on and sighs. "The interview that's in twenty minutes with that radio station you insisted on trying to book some air time with."

Kaoru's eyes widen and he's instantly saving things and shutting down his computer, grabbing bags and jackets and looking overall flustered. He never forgets things, so he must have a lot on his mind lately. I feel kind of bad for him. Here I am sitting here doing almost nothing and he's freaking out... and about to knock his laptop off.

I reach out and catch it just as it slides off the table when he stumbles into it trying to get his jacket on while cursing under his breath. A small smile curves my lips. I like to see him all flustered. It's so unusual for him that it's like having a rare treat offered to me.

Putting his laptop back on the table, I stand up and get my own jacket, shrugging it on. "I'll go with you." I know it's impromptu, but I also know the station won't mind.

He pauses and glances back at me, smiling. "Thanks."

A few moments later, we're out the door and headed for the interview in a cab. The ride over is dull and starts to annoy me. Kaoru's not really talking and instead punching around on his cell phone. Why can't he live without it attached to his hand? After a while, I'm stuck watching him, because that's more interesting than staring out the window at scenery I've seen a million and one times.

It's then that I see the little tell-tale signs. He's shifting around every few seconds, this little uncomfortable look on his face. It's somehow obvious to me that he has to take a leak. Again, I wonder why the hell he does this to himself. It'll only make his kidneys and bladder worse in the future.

He pauses punching in whatever he's doing on the phone and reaches down, rubbing at his groin and then flexing his hips a bit before settling back and continuing with his stupid phone. What the hell was that?! Maybe he's aroused instead of having to urinate? Whatever... this is none of my damn business anyway.

I look back out the window and solidly ignore him, even as my thoughts go back to him in the restroom a few weeks before. The look on his face, the way his voice sounded as he groaned while he released his bladder. I jump when he taps me on the arm and then opens his door, getting out of the cab.

I swallow hard, scooting out his side and diligently trying to ignore that I'm semi-hard from the thoughts. This isn't right... not at all. He just pissed, nothing else. Okay, so he played with himself a little bit - but every man is guilty of that at some point in their lives. Even I've taken a piss and then maybe stroked the rest out rather than shaking it. It's normal... he's normal. This is nothing I should be thinking about!

Before I even notice it, we're in the studio and someone's pressing headphones into my hand. Kaoru glances at me and grins. I return it, though a bit uneasily. He wouldn't grin at me if he knew how I was thinking about him just now. Actually, I'm irritated with myself.

The interview starts and Kaoru fields most of the questions while I simply nod and agree. I'm not even sure why I'm here. It's not like I'm being useful to this conversation or anything. As if on cue, they ask me something and I answer with the most inane answer on the planet. Kaoru even looks at me oddly.

I take note that he's gripping the leg of his pants hard enough his knuckles are turning white. His other hand is resting on the counter in front of us and he's drumming his fingers in fast repetition. I'm staring and I know I am, but what does it matter? It's his hand... no one cares if you stare at someone's hands.

The interview ends and we get up, thanking the studio and we leave, Kaoru heading straight for the doors and outside where he hails a cab. I stare at him like he's lost his mind, but I don't say a word. It's not my business if he bursts his fucking bladder.

We climb into the car and he gives the address of the studio and the cabbie just nods, pulling away from the curb and into the flow of traffic. Forty minutes later, we're sitting in a traffic jam and Kaoru's literally squirming in his seat. He keeps pulling at his pant legs, making these tiny whimpering noises that I'm sure the cabbie can't hear since he's wearing headphones.

I study him, not even really caring anymore that I'm outright staring. Who gives a flying fuck? He's put himself in this damn situation in the first place. I can stare if I want to. Besides, he doesn't even seem to remember I'm here.

The car creeps forward and Kaoru bites his lip, tugging harder and slouching back in his seat, trying to get the pressure off his bladder. The sounds he's making increase and I swear to god, he sounds like a girl when I'm going down on her. My eyes flick back to his crotch just as he arches his hips again. His knuckles are white as they tug at his pants and the normal bulge is significantly and obviously larger.

My lips part and I feel the tingle of arousal spreading through my body. He's hard. Kaoru is hard because he has to piss so badly. I want to suck him. The thought enters my head and I don't even bother denying it to myself. My best friend and bandleader has turned me bi. That fucking figures.

The car jolts to a halt and he makes a surprised yelping sound as he grabs for the seat in front of him, dropping his phone. A little wet spot appears on the fabric of his khaki pants and I realize he's just pissed himself a little. He blushes and whimpers. "Shit," he squirms and grabs at himself, "can't hold it." He's muttering, but I catch it all anyway.

His hand moves to the door handle and without warning he shoves the door open and scrambles out toward the alleyway across from us. I glance at the cabbie and reach up, tapping him. "Hang on, wait for us."

He just nods and I scramble out after Kaoru, grabbing his phone and stuffing it in my pocket on the way out the door. By the time I get into the alleyway, he's already pissing on a pile of old newspapers. I just stand there like a dolt, watching him as he relieves himself. For some reason the sound of him urinating is turning me on, the hiss of his urine as it pours from him.

He doesn't even notice me there, his head bowed and a look of utter bliss on his face. His lips part and he swipes his tongue over his bottom lip, moaning softly. Someone walks past and I move to block him from their view. No one else needs to see my Kaoru pissing. Wait... _my_ Kaoru?

Wow... my feelings for him have obviously done a complete about-face in a short span of time. I find myself blushing again, but rather than staring at his still urinating cock, I'm watching his face. He looks like I imagine he would if I were to drop to my knees and blow him right here.

It's only when he opens his eyes and gasps that I realize he's done and I'm still staring. He's fast to tuck himself away and zip back up, his cheeks taking on a slightly pink hue. "You um... asked the cabbie to wait?"

I nod, almost absently. For some reason, I can't stop staring. He ducks his head and shoves his hands in his pocket, moving around me and back to the cab. He slips in first and I mindlessly follow him, getting in after him and settling down.

He leans back on the seat, closing his eyes and rubbing a bit absently at his lower abdomen. It must be such a relief to piss like that. I know the few times I've forgotten to go when I'm drunk it felt like heaven to let it all out when I finally remembered. My eyes drift down south a little and I take note that he's still aroused. So maybe he does this to himself on purpose?

I glance at the driver and he's bobbing his head to his music that we can't hear. Good. Looking back at Kaoru, I grin a bit stupidly. "You do that on purpose, don't you?"

He looks a bit taken aback for a moment and then shakes his head. "Sorry, what?"

I smirk and gesture at his still-prominent erection. "You wait until the last possible second to take a piss. It's like... you get off from it."

I didn't think it possible, but he suddenly looks more uncomfortable than he did a few minutes ago when he had to take a leak. He squirms a little and the blush on his cheeks is more evident. In a way, it suits him... even with that adorable little bush of hair on his chin. "I... what are you talking about?"

Only a few moments of deliberation pass before I just decide to be outright with it. "The other day in the studio, you waited until you could barely make it to the bathroom. Then when you did, you seriously looked like you were going to have an orgasm from pissing. And you just kept going and going... like you hadn't pissed all day." I pause and he's just staring at his lap, fidgeting with his hands. "And just now... you've had to go since before we left for the studio, haven't you? Yet you didn't stop on the way out of the interview to go."

I'm not even sure why I do it, maybe just to show him I'm not bothered by any of this or possibly to make my point more clear. But I reach over and actually grope him, my hand sliding over his clothed arousal and then squeezing. "And now," I murmur my words damn near against his neck, "now you're hard. You enjoy it... get off on the desperation of it." It's not a question anymore and he knows it because he doesn't bother answering.

His fingers pry at my hand and he squirms. "Die... what... I..." I jerk him off a few times though his pants and his protest turns into a soft moan.

I know it's lewd and dirty, what I'm doing. I know it like I know that I'm supposed to be straight. But damn that cock feels right beneath my hand. Suddenly I want so much more of him. I want to take him home and show him just how much he's made me want him. Fuck it, my place is closer than the damn studio. I shift away just enough to tap the driver on the shoulder. "Shinjuku , Haraikatamachi 4." I tell him this without missing a beat, even though my hand is still on Kaoru's thigh.

Kaoru stares at me, his expression stunned as I settle back on the seat. He doesn't protest, but I'm not even sure he's gotten the point that I'm going to take him home and attempt to ravish him. Oh well... at least if he's in my house, he won't be able to run away nearly as fast as he could here. I might have a chance.

Two more streets takes us into my neighborhood and another puts us at my doorstep. I pay the driver without hesitation and get out, holding the door open for Kaoru and shutting it behind him. He looks confused as we head up my walkway and I unlock my door. I almost feel bad, but now I have to take a piss and I seriously need to do that before trying to seduce him.

He trails after me when I enter my home, pushing the door closed and locking it behind us. "Die?" He sounds so much more... meek than usual.

I flash him a grin as I take my shoes off and he does the same. "I have to piss." I'm not quite sure why I inform him of it, but the look he gives me when I say it is all I need to know. He wants to watch. The way his eyes glitter and how pleased he looks that I've told him this are evidence enough.

Without any hesitation, I turn and walk toward my bedroom, motioning for him to follow. He does, his footsteps soft behind me. I enter my bathroom and leave the door open for him, flipping up the toilet seat and unbuckling, unbuttoning, and then unzipping my pants. If I'm gonna give him a show, then it's going to be the whole damn thing.

He leans against the doorframe, trying desperately to look like he's just waiting on me. But I can see him peeking at me every few seconds. I chuckle softly as I push my boxers out of the way and take myself in hand, stroking a few times for his benefit. He blushes and stares at his feet. "Kao," I almost whisper his name and he looks up at me.

Our eyes meet and I smile softly, then look back at what I'm doing. "You can watch, you know."

He shifts, now leaning on the doorframe and looking for all the world like he's the coolest man on earth. The tent in his pants is still there and I can't help but grin as I start to piss. I mostly watch my aim, not wanting to pee on the floor, but I still chance a few glances at him, watching how his lips part and his cheeks flush. There's obvious arousal in his eyes and I know it's from what I'm doing. And somehow, that doesn't bother me one bit.

I finish, but rather than putting myself away, I simply stand there, starting to fondle myself into arousal. It isn't long before I'm hard and full-out jerking off. I put my hand on the wall and lean on it, turning my head to watch him as I lick my lips. "Kao," his name comes out breathless and exactly the way I intended it to - like I want nothing more than to fuck him.

He lets his hand slide down to his own arousal, rubbing at it through the material of his pants and I watch him, my eyes lidded and my breath quick.

"I want you." The words are out of my lips before I can stop them. I don't regret them. I can't regret them with the way he's staring at me.

He steps away from the wall and turns away, walking into my bedroom, pulling his shirt off over his head and tossing it onto my floor. "Then come fucking get me... Daisuke." The way he says my name sends thrills down my spine and I flush the toilet, pausing only to grab a condom and some lube from the cabinet above my sink.

My shirt follows his to the floor as he crawls on my bed, backing up on it, his eyes never leaving me as I approach him. It's sexy, it's hot... it's everything I dreamed about.

He stops, just lying there with his legs parted - one arm behind him to support him, the other hand stroking himself through his pants. Fucking pants. I shove mine off, boxers and all.

His eyes sparkle when I drop the lube and have to pick it back up off the floor. "Impatient to have me?" God, that voice is so low and sexy. I can't believe I never wanted him before this... that I never wanted a guy. But now that he's in front of me, I want him so bad I'm achingly hard.

I crawl over to him, promptly pushing his hand away and unfastening those stupid khaki pants, tugging them down and off, right along with his boxers. He lets me without protest and I simply toss them aside, my eyes raking over his now naked body. He's handsome, gorgeous even.

My dick brushes his thigh as I lean over him, capturing his mouth with my own. His chin hair brushes against me and I know there will be no pretending involved here. He's pure man and I'm about to fuck him.

The condom wrapper crumples in my hand as I shift and it pokes me a bit. I grunt, moving to put it in his hand instead. I pull back from kissing him just long enough to lick my lips and watch him hastily rip it open.

"This isn't going to be slow." He sounds certain of this. Frankly, I have to agree. I'm far too worked up to do anything but fuck him until we blow.

My thoughts blur right along with my vision as his small, tattooed hands take hold of my cock and stroke me. He rolls the condom over my length and spreads his legs a little further. "Take me, Die... take me like the man you are."

Just a month ago, I'd have never even dreamed of fucking Kaoru like this. Hell, I wouldn't have even thought of fucking a guy before this. But now... now I can only focus on him. I want him, I need him, I yearn for him like a fucking desperate man.

Without thinking, I grab the lube and squirt some into my hand, jerking off with it to coat myself completely. I moan, my natural self unstoppable now. I won't hide anything from him... I can't. I let go of myself and lean down over him, my hand sliding down so that my fingers dance over his puckered hole. "After I saw you, so desperate and aroused from it... I wanted you... so... fucking... bad." I push one finger into him and he throws his head back and moans, arching into my touch.

He looks like such a whore and I revel in it. The look of ecstasy on his face is more than enough to encourage me and I lean down, nipping at the tattoo on his neck. "You're so damn sexy, you know that?" My finger pumps in and out of him and he squirms beneath me, his cock brushing against my stomach. I half expected that to feel odd, but instead I like it - the way his heated, rigid flesh presses against me so needily.

He's panting hard as I push a second digit into him. I'm actually surprised he's not clamping down on me yet. Every girl I've ever taken like this was so fucking uptight about it. My lips move down to his collarbone and I nip lightly at it.

He moves around, reaching down and taking my hand. The position seems like it should be almost painful, but he doesn't look like he's in pain. "Crook your fingers." His words are murmured so low I almost miss them.

I do as he asks and he tenses and then groans. "A-again." I repeat the action and he moans, his cock twitching and his body shuddering under me. I can feel him spasm around my fingers and I can't help but do it again, watching his face intently this time. He's biting his lip and I know he's holding back some of the most glorious sounds.

"Let me hear you," I whisper, my breath hot against his cheek as I curl my fingers again. He emits the most erotic noise this time and I feel my cock jump in response. I want to be in his tight ass so bad.

My lips catch his and I pull my fingers out, earning a whimper from him before I shift our positions, spreading his legs more and positioning myself at his entrance. I break the kiss to look him in the eyes. "You want this?" I hope like hell he doesn't say no.

He chuckles. "Are you fucking blind? I'm damn near about to cum and you ask me if I want you to fuck me? Of course I do, you idiot!" He reaches up and grabs a fistful of my hair, yanking me down and kissing me harshly as he pushes himself against me.

I can't help the groan that leaves me at his actions. My fingers hold his thighs as I slowly start to push in, mindful of not causing him horrible agony just because I want to slam into him like an animal. By the time I'm fully sheathed in him, I can hardly focus on anything but the feeling. He's so tight, it's incredible, and the heat around me reminds me that months in the studio without sex make it so much better when it finally does happen.

I break the kiss as I start to move, my hips thrusting of their own accord. I'm slow for the first few pushes, until he arches into me and grunts. Something shifts inside me and I can't hold back anymore. I need to take him hard and fast - _like a man_ \- the words echo in my head as I start thrusting into him with one intent. I want to cum and I want to make damn sure he knows when I'm about to spill.

He arches and I feel his cock brush against my stomach again. Almost automatically, I brace myself on the bed with one arm and reach between us to grasp his shaft. The instant I begin pumping him in time to my thrusts, he begins to moan. Just hearing him is enough to set me off and our sounds of pleasure mingle on the air.

It isn't long before he's trembling under me, his hands clawing at my torso as his legs clamp down on me. His eyes fall shut and he cries out as his cock throbs in my hand, his release spilling out across his abdomen as I pump him dry. It feels so incredible to have gotten him off, to know that I'm the reason his cum is running warm over my fingers as I fuck him.

My thrusts speed up and I can't help it. I want to cum and him spasming around me doesn't help to hold me off. My own voice comes out loud and clear as I make more racket than I have in my entire life while I push into him like I need this or I'll die. Then it hits me like a fucking freight-train. I gasp and shudder, slamming into him a few more times, hard enough my western-style bed hits the wall. My cum fills the condom and I almost regret it not being his ass that it's filling.

I somehow manage to pull out and roll over so I don't collapse on him as I yank the condom off and toss it somewhere near my trash can. If I'm honest with myself... that was the best damn lay I've had in years. With a smirk, I turn my head to regard him.

He's watching me, catching his breath. His eyes sparkle and he chuckles. "I thought you were straight."

I mock-glare at him and lightly hit him on the stomach. "For you... I'll be bi."

He laughs and then looks serious. "This isn't going to make things weird at work... right?"

The look on my face must be priceless, because the next thing I know, he's kissing me. By the time he's completely explored my mouth, I'm left feeling heady and slightly more stupid than I started out. "If you kiss all my brain cells away, then yeah... it will."

He smirks and then yawns, stretching a bit. "We should get back. They'll wonder where we went."

I sit up and give him an incredulous look. "But, you see, I'll just tell them you had to take the world's longest piss."

He blushes and gives me a look that tells me this won't end with just this once. I may have once been straight, but now... now I have Kaoru and that's better than any label I could plaster myself with anyway.  



End file.
